Welcome
Welcome my courageous friends! You have likely landed here because you have been thrusted into the often murky and uncertain world of loss and grief. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and I am so incredibly grateful that you have found your way here as part of your support system. My hope for our journey together through this blog is that we can all feel more connected and understood in our grief. While each person’s experience with grief is unique to them and to the person or situation they are grieving, there are some universal truths about grief and loss that bind us together. We find parts of ourselves in other people’s shared stories and that hopefully offers us some comfort in knowing that we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings in the depths of some of our most difficult times.
Each week I will share my personal thoughts, experiences and observations on a specific topic within the loss and grief framework. Lucky, or unlucky, for us, there is not a shortage of topics around experiences, feelings and underlying truths in the world of sorrow. To get us started, I am honored to share with you my personal story of loss and grief.
First and foremost, I come to this world of loss and grief humbled by the people who have shown up for me as well as all that I have learned about myself along this arduous journey. On September 2, 2021 I lost the love of my life, my confidante, my partner in crime, my person, my very best friend. My husband, Greg, passed away six weeks after receiving a double lung transplant. It would be easy and natural to jump to the conclusion that his body rejected the gift of new and foreign lungs in his body, but that is not how it happened. No, Greg’s body instead rejected the anti-rejection medications used to support his body after the transplant. His body simply could not absorb and use the anti-rejection meds in all of their intensity.
Our journey to the world of a double lung transplant began in May 2020, yes, in the depths of the Covid outbreak. Greg began experiencing breathing difficulties in April 2020. Up to this point he had been a fairly healthy adult, minus a type 2 Diabetes diagnosis that was controlled through medication and diet. When his breathing issues began, we naturally thought it was Covid related so he contacted his doctor, took the PCR test and we waited anxiously through the 72 hour window it took to get results then. Negative. Yay! We could not be happier and more relieved! Yet, Greg still was struggling to get a good solid breath in. He contacted his doctor again and the PA prescribed him an inhaler believing it could be asthma or allergies. Fast forward to May 19, 2020 when Greg awoke in the middle of the night unable to fully catch a complete breath at all. He was visibly scared, as was I. Ironically, early on in the pandemic I had ordered a pulse oximeter for myself and my daughter because we were at higher risk for Covid due to having asthma. I used the pulse ox on Greg and his read 73, which is dangerously low. So at 4am, with fear and uncertainty in our hearts, we decided to head to the ER. I dropped him off and waited in the car because at this time within the pandemic hospitals limited who could enter their doors. He did wave me in after a few minutes, which I will be eternally grateful to the ER staff for the rest of my life. Since the ER was mostly empty at this time, they allowed me to sit with Greg as he waited for tests to happen. Many hours later, the ER doctor came back a bit perplexed by Greg’s bloodwork and scans. His markers did not indicate Covid. There was some indication of pneumonia. Because they were unsure of what was fully going on inside Greg’s lungs and because of the severity of his breathing issues, they decided to keep him overnight. Long story short, after many tests and numerous medications prescribed, ten days later he was finally released with oxygen as his companion and a diagnosis of severe double pneumonia. The doctors assured him he would only need the oxygen for a week or two.
Fast forward again to January 2021 after a lung biopsy and another significant exacerbation and hospitalization, we have a new pulmonologist who diagnosed Greg with Pulmonary Fibrosis. What??? We were not familiar with this complex disease and thus had a lot of homework to do. For anyone unaware of what PF is, it is a scarring and slow hardening of the lungs. There is no cure and it is lethal. This new pulmonologist, I believe, literally saved Greg’s life at this point. After some trials with prednisone levels and anti rejection medications, by April 2021, Greg plateaued with his oxygen intake to a point where he could do more while still on oxygen therapy. He basically got most of his life back. He was able to golf, go for short walks, enjoy family and participate in respiratory therapy.
Because the area we live in does not have a hospital that performs lung transplants, the pulmonologist connected us with a hospital three and half hours away to begin the grueling testing which would determine if Greg was a good candidate for a lung transplant. Turns out, according to the hospital surgeon, he was the “perfect candidate”. Greg was placed on the transplant list on July 12, 2021. We received the call at 5:50am July 23rd, a mere eleven days later, that the hospital had a set of lungs for Greg.
Greg came out of the almost nine hour surgery with a new set of lungs and such gratitude to the family of the donor. His recovery started out like rapid fire success, until it didn’t. You already know the end of this story, so I will spare you the details except to say that I could not be more proud of Greg’s fight to live through six of the most unbelievably scary and grueling post-surgery weeks imaginable. He lives in my heart as the most courageous man I have ever and likely will ever meet. Thank you for listening to our story of a journey that we never saw coming and a love that will never die. Hugs to you all for your own beautiful and hard stories of love and loss❤️😇.
If you or anyone you know is in search of support in their grief journey, please share this community with them. We truly heal in connection and community. If you are looking for a speaker on the topic of navigating grief, loss and change, please contact me at cathymiller@cathyemillerlifecoach.com.
