Grief At the Holidays

Hello my friends,

We are diving into the thick of the Holiday Season, whatever that may mean or look like to each of us.  With the holiday season, our grief may call out to us in particular ways, maybe differently than we normally feel that grief.  Interestingly enough, just last week I was talking with my daughter about how this year (this is the fourth holiday season since my husband passed away and the second since my father passed) I feel like I am going into this season “smoother” than previous years, with less uncertainty.  Well, saying that was all the jinx I needed!  Sure enough, the grief that I thought I had a good handle on slipped right in the very next day, totally unprovoked and left me feeling a bit unsettled.  

That is the thing, grief is likely to show up whether we want to acknowledge it or not, particularly around this season when the emphasis is on family time and celebrating.  When I am able to sit with it, acknowledge the sadness/loss and not resist it, I am much more able to move forward in my day a bit lighter.  All of that being said, I fully understand the desire to push the grief aside and I have certainly done that at times.  Who WANTS to feel sad?  Then I remember that all feelings are real and serve as data for us about what we might need.  When my grief showed up last week, I needed a good cry and to spend some time with Greg in my writing.  The truth is, every time I do resist the grief or push it down, it finds me in unlikely and unproductive ways. So, I might as well befriend the grief, acknowledge it and give it some attention so I can then focus a bit easier on what is next in my day.    

This leads me to self-care during the holidays.  What are some of the ways you are planning to take good care of yourself this season?  This is a good time to breathe in and maybe start one new, small daily habit for taking care of yourself and your grief.  Be gentle and compassionate with yourself, especially if this is the first holiday season without your person.  Below are some ideas for self-care and I hope one or more of these resonates with you.  

Self-Care ideas at the Holidays:

-Gratitude journal

-Read something just for you

-Take a sensory walk in nature; use all five senses to notice nature (doing this is soothing to our brains)

- Ask for help or ask for what it is you may need 

-Call an old friend;  reconnecting with someone can add bring a spark of joy to you and the person you are connecting with

-Light a candle in honor of your loved one

-Get to bed early if and when you can

-Judgment-free crying zone;  if you need to release the tears, release the tears and give yourself a gentle hug

-Break your to-do lists into smaller, manageable pieces (we expect so much of ourselves at this time of the year!) 

-Try a meditation app (there are many apps and practices out there that have grief meditations)

REMEMBER TO BREATHE

Below are a few links to videos from David Kessler at Grief.com around grief at the holidays.  The links will ask you to submit your name and email and then you will receive the video in response.  

Know that each of you are in my heart this season and I send you much love and peace.

Cathy

https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/wynonna-judd-holiday-grief-talk

https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/holiday-grief-support

https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/thanksgiving